A parody victory address for the Democratic Senate fundraising operation:

My fellow donors, look what you have accomplished. Your contributions produced a magnificent total. That total demonstrates momentum. Momentum attracts contributions. Please applaud the movement you have created, then help us afford the next demonstration that you created it.

Axios reports that Democratic Senate candidates are dramatically outraising Republican opponents in several competitive races. Its third-quarter figures include $33.1 million for Georgia’s Jon Ossoff against $2.8 million for Mike Collins. Those are real numbers. Everything happening at this imaginary lectern is our premature celebration of them.

Please welcome our first distinguished guest: the bank balance. It has attended every finance meeting, never contradicted the chair and brought a larger version of itself. That is the sort of grassroots energy we can recognize without leaving this room.

A Movement That Funds Its Own Proof

Several of you are asking why we need another fundraiser after winning the fundraising contest. Excellent question. The next fundraiser will confirm that this victory was not a fluke. Nobody wants an isolated outbreak of momentum. We need a reliable supply, preferably monthly.

Watch the screen. There is the total you helped create. Beneath it is the cheering crowd impressed by the total. Beneath that is a contribution button for anyone inspired by the cheering. We have achieved renewable enthusiasm, although the renewals department would like a word about your expiring card.

Someone near the back is asking about Republican super PAC money. Axios does indeed report that Republicans are awash in it. Thank you for identifying the uninvited guest at our candidate-fundraising party. It has money too, but it did not RSVP to the comparison we were enjoying. Please give the applause a moment to recover.

And a methodological announcement: these figures draw on filings and campaign totals, some including affiliated joint fundraising committees. Not every number has arrived wearing exactly the same outfit. Some have brought a plus-one. We will celebrate the reported advantage without pretending the guest list is more uniform than it is.

Now, back to momentum. We have received money because people believe we can win. We have announced that receiving money shows people believe we can win. We would like people who believe this announcement to send money. Our finance operation has formed a beautiful circle. The door to the electorate is somewhere beyond the refreshments.

Do not misunderstand: having resources to campaign is valuable. We intend to use them. But before the imaginary program reaches that part, the finance chair has requested a short tribute to the people whose donations made tonight’s tribute to their donations possible.

The room is now ready to hear from an actual undecided voter. First, a brief appeal to fund the introduction.